May 7 / Diana Dentinger

The 4 Biggest Obstacles to Your Self Confidence and What happens if You don't Overcome them!

what happens to you when you lack confidence?
You have most likely experienced feeling super confident, positive, valued, and influential in certain situations. As well as you might have also had the exact opposite, feeling fearful, anxious and uncertain. So you know which way you prefer to feel! 
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Self Confidence, Self Esteem or Self Worth?

Being fully self confident has so many benefits like being able to perform at your highest potential even under pressure; asking for what you want and getting it; experiencing a sense of inner freedom from worrying about what others think of you; and achieving your goals faster with more grace and easy. 

As you will read here though, self confidence is not an attitude, nor can it be learned by simply applying superficial techniques like a stronger handshake. It is deeper than that. Confidence has to do with trust.

Whereas SELF ESTEEM has the same root as estimate, or putting a price on things. I personally do not feel they are interchangeable. In work situations it is great to be valued for the solutions you solve. This is to be esteemed by others. But when you know your own "value" then you are your own best friend. Contributing your talents to add value to other's lives or a work project is great. Self Confidence though should be what you aspire to always.

GETTING PAID WHAT YOU'RE WORTH?

Knowing your innate talents and using them to solve problems in a faster, more effective way makes you a valuable asset to a company. Or even as an entrepreneur. Personally, I don’t like the phrase “get paid what you are worth” but many people ask me this question of how. Instead your fees or salary should be based on the cost of the problem not being solved and the ROI percentage of it being so.

The 4 biggest obstacles you must overcome. 

If you are already familiar with the Your Life Your Way™ Academy and my work, you will know that I share scientific based research about the biology of the brain , unique individual programming and even advanced energy work so my clients get results fast. 

THE FIRST HUGE OBSTACLE is thinking you can think your way to being confident. Most people over think their lack of self confidence and either give in or go to the other extreme. 

If usually you hold back or don’t speaking up then in a moment of being fed up (with yourself or others) you might challenge yourself to showcase your opinion or decision. But without a stronger foundation of confidence, you will not succeed in being convincing. You see, confidence is so much more about your energy than what you do.
We aren't familiar with ourselves enough so our confidence wavers. So what do you do when you feel less sure of yourself? Tap into your talents!
Diana Dentinger

The second huge obstacle is your hardwiring.

Being confident, based on the etymology of the word from Latin is cum + fìdes with means that you act “with trust”. It intends also, again based on the Latin origins, that there is some sort of familiarity or friendship which facilitates having faith for a beneficial outcome, such as when “confiding” a secret. The root of that word is the same.

So a deeper meaning of self confidence is that you are so familiar with yourself that you put your trust in yourself. You would therefore never betray yourself or lose faith. 

Sure, it’s fine for your confidence to go up and down in different contexts, but you are happier and more energetic when it is high and stable.  

Here’s a rapid rundown of what goes on every millisecond of your life. Your Nervous System picks up on everything around you and sends messages to your brain so you react to the external stimuli. The first part of the brain that this ton of information goes is to your animal or reptilian brain. 

For this region, EVERYTHING is a threat. All human beings have an archaic feeling of being a gazelle with a lion or lions ready to have them as prey. For your survival, the brain “tells” you how to respond by pumping out a rapid response, usually fight or flight and sometimes freeze. 

All day and all night long you live a subtle, nervous system related, imaginary danger that you are in the savannah with lurking predators waiting for you to get distracted to eat you. You feel less empowered, less in control and more vulnerable than you really should be… unless of course you really do live in a very dangerous environment. Feeling “safe” in your “territory” is foundational for your self confidence.

Do you remember how you felt on your first day at work or when you gave your first group presentation speaking in front of a crowd? Were you slightly nervous? Yes, this is what I mean by your animal brain automatically perceiving danger in situations. Most likely it occurs when you are in front of new people or in a new “territory”. 
Most people feel more at ease with people they know. They know predictably how those people behave so their animal brain is “peaceful”. Just as most people are more comfortable in their own office space or at home and less so in someone else’s room. 

So to calm your animal brain when you are with strangers or doing something new, you must trust that you have what it takes to “survive”. For example, the gazelle trusts it is a fast runner, has the antlers to defend itself and also the hoofs to kick whatever attacks. The animal does not give itself a pep talk every time it grazes in a field. 
Are you fully aware of your innate resourcefulness? It isn’t very effective to talk your way through situations saying “I am enough”, “it will be just fine” etc. The only way to overcome this “animal” hardwiring is for you to be fully conscious of all your talent and how to use them. A Your Life Your Way Personality Profile makes this so much simpler.

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Discover Your Innate Personality including a PDF Manual & Masterclass Trainings

The third obstacle is imitating what & how others do.

As kids, you needed to trust your role models, parents etc. They knew what was “best for you”. You placed your health, happiness and wellbeing in their hands. Growing up you automatically assimilated other people’s ways of doing things without questioning. 

This is just how the brain works. It has so much important stuff to do, like keeping your heart beating and digestion flowing, that it must make learning skills easier. This “monkey see, monkey do” pattern though becomes how you could continue to conduct your life. It’s fine for the child to to think that the other people have gotten somewhere or achieved something so their ways must be the best. But as an adult?

Look at how many people want to be “like others”. Do you remember feeling any peer pressure as a teenager? Do you ever see adults “keeping up with the Joneses”? These both go into the category of Imitating to “be like” others. Sure, it makes you feel safe, part of the group and therefore protected. Belonging is one Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You see it in every age group in every nation. Look at the “uniform” dress style of most CEOs or the repetitive types of Instagram pictures that the Laptop Entrepreneurs post. Nothing original! You really can’t be fully confident unless you are being yourself.

Doing as others do distances you from who you are and your innate resources. And the farther you are from “who you are” the more you smell like a fake. Animals aren’t the only creatures with a refined sense of smell. Check out studies on pheromones and how women are able to smell the man who is most compatible with them for reproduction.  
Nowadays so many people talk about being authentic. Well, it starts with knowing yourself and showing up coherently, being and doing what is you! 

Plus your brain emits an electromagnetic frequency that people pick up on subconsciously. They sense when you are the real deal or when you are just a bad imitation of someone else. You lose trust because their animal brain perceives you as a threat. And this becomes a vicious circle.
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The fourth obstacle is not knowing your set of talents.

Ever since I started Corporate Training and Team Building back in 1989, one of the first exercises I had the participants do was write a list of their top 10 qualities and share them with the person to their side. 

Have you ever done this? Can you name yours? How about writing down 100? 
Instead, each time I was saddened at how well educated, successful professions had difficulty really describing themselves. Some people could only name from 5 to 7 things about themselves. And most people were timid to talk about themselves to colleagues they worked with daily! Who should know them! This observation was the launch pad for me deeply desiring to help people know and become the best version of themselves.  

For years I used the mainstream Psychometric Assessments defining you as one of 4 or 8 types. But coming from a huge family, I knew early on that each person is unique. Then back in 2000 I furthered my studies becoming a Neurobiology therapist specialised in unblocking the root causes of Psychosomatic Illnesses. With this in-depth knowledge about unique human programming, my clients started to “freak out” how well I knew them. That is when I realised that these same tools needed to be reverse engineered to create a Coaching Methodology.

This process has now been tested  with clients in over 20 countries of the world. For me it was vital that they were useful for people no matter what their culture of origin.

More Solutions? Know your "energy centers".

Knowing the biology of the brain helps you take practical steps towards trusting yourself and being trusted. From my over 30 years coaching experience, the majority of issues people have are related to their animal brain. They stay too much in flight or fight and rarely live their innate potential. 

So surpassing the "animal reaction" area of the brain is vital. Yet then you just get to another area, the middle brain, which stores your personal stress management style. This is not an evolved response because it is not adapted to the circumstances at hand, rather is "memorised" and automatic. So it usually creates conflict, inside and outside of yourself.  

This way of handling stress is so easy for you because you have practiced it since birth. Neither the animal part of the brain, nor the automatic middle brain are where you want your behaviour to come from. It means you are simply in repeat mode. You are doing what you know for sure and most likely getting the same result. 
With your Personality Profile, there is a one page explanation of your predictable stress reaction behaviour. By becoming aware of it, then you can shift it. And finally have access to you in the most awesome part of the brain, your frontal cortex.

There are another 11 pages explaining your innate talents in the Personality Profile, who you really are in the frontal cortex.  When you become conscious of this "best version of yourself"  then you begin to fully appreciate and love yourself more. You feel and know who you are at your best and therefore TRUST yourself more. This is self confidence.  
As mentioned before, the brain emits energy. It is one of the 3 centers. When you coherently live who you are from the the frontal cortex, the higher region of your brain, your cells fill with quantum light energy. And this activates your heart area which emits 100,000 times more energy. Let’s call this center your spirit, the emotional aspect of who you are. So together, your brain and how it is programmed, your spirit and how you feel about yourself offer your body, the third center, the ability to have energy to get things done.

Real self confidence, or trust in yourself on all dimensions, creates coherency which facilitates full cooperation among your body, brain & soul. Here's to you being your best! And it is made simple for you in the BEST YOU YET Course. 

The Power of Really Knowing  Who You Are

Discover all your innate talents in amazing Masterclass Trainings with your Unique Personality Profile. Starting at $7.
Meet the CREATOR & FOUNDER

Diana Dentinger

If you meet me in person you will notice I have tons of energy. I have intuitively known my purpose ever since I was a kid in a huge family, wanting to figure out what made all my 250 blood relatives different from each other. This was the beginning of my search to find these answers.
For my Methodology I was Awarded Top 100 World Women Achievers 2018 called "A Woman of Substance" for the Creation of the Your Life Your Way™ Profile & Coaching, fruit of 20 years of rigorous research, study with top European Behaviour Experts and completion of my education as a Neurobiology therapist for Psychosomatic Illnesses. At heart, I am a Science nerd. 
I am a trendsetter, differentiating myself from traditional Corporate Trainers and Coaches, bringing lightness, play and metaphor creation into Strategic Success Planning as well as profound Science & Spirituality. I've been doing this in the Personal & Professional Development Industry since the end of the 1980's living in Italy raising my 4 children.
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Well, first let me share the hard way. This includes setting aside a little time each month, or even each week, to reflect and look at the big picture of your life and what you really want. 
And spending this time reflecting on what you’ve gotten accomplished this past week and how it has helped you move forward in the direction of your goals. Or spending time, say at New Years, and setting resolutions of things you commit to changing, such as losing weight or saving money or spending more time with loved ones.
But there’s a big problem with this way. And I say this based on my over 25 years of Corporate Training and Coaching experience. First off most people aren’t really sure about their direction in life. Most people are only used to doing what they have seen other people do on a "one size fits all" path of going to school, graduating, getting a job, finding a spouse, getting married or living together, having kids and..."not so happy" ever after. 

In other words, your lists are a way to simplify a busy life, but there are hidden "dangers".

They are tactical things to combat overwhelm.
While these tools are certainly necessary and helpful, they also hold a hidden danger. They make you focus too much on the “what” at the risk of losing track of the “why”. The “why” is the strategic part. It’s why you are doing the tasks. Why is what fills your heart with joy every step of the way.
Here’s what I mean. It’s hard to see the big picture and make sure you are following your Life Purpose. Let's say you forget the big reason you are here. Especially when you’re staring at an endless list of things to do. There is little joy in that moment, except the adrenaline rush of continuing to be busy.
But there’s an easy way to fix that while still being able to use all those tools to organize your time and to dos. Are you ready for the easy way to do it?
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